#Making hard decisions full
If you’re thinking of giving yourself a choice between two options-”Should I stay in my current job full time, or should I quit to write the novel I’ve always to write?”-ask, are those the only two options? Are there other options that I haven’t considered? Often, we try to make difficult decisions seem easier by boiling down our choices to two clear paths, when in fact, there may be many paths from which to choose. Unfortunately, it’s often very hard to tell the difference between those two feelings. But sometimes, a bad feeling is an indication that a decision doesn’t sit right with us. It can also be helpful to consider whether, when I contemplate a particular course of action, do I feel energized or drained? Sometimes it’s great to push ourselves to do something novel, challenging, or scary.
I ask myself: Am I making this decision to “Be Gretchen,” or because I want to impress other people, please someone else, pretend that I’m different from the person I actually am, or deny a truth about myself?Īnother way to think about “Being Gretchen” is to remind myself, “ I want to accept myself, and expect more from myself.” Is a particular course of action allowing me to expect more from myself-meaning it’s scary in a positive way, that will allow me to grow? Or does this course of action mean I’m not accepting myself-meaning it feels wrong for me in a way that I should respect? I also ask myself, “ Does this decision help me to follow my personal commandment to Be Gretchen?” (Of course, everyone should substitute their own names!) I want to shape my life to reflect my temperament, interests, and values. That can be worthwhile, absolutely, but it’s worth considering the time, effort, and energy needed to create new relationships. Of course, sometimes we make decisions, such as to move to a new city or switch to a new profession, that put us in a place where we have few relationships. If you’d like to listen to a discussion of this, I talk about it in episode 27 of the Happier with Gretchen Rubin podcast.Īnother question to consider: Is this decision likely to strengthen my relationships with other people? Strong relationships with other people are a key-maybe the key-to happiness, so decisions that help build or strengthen ties are likely to boost happiness. And we’re so happy we have our dog Barnaby! That wouldn’t be true for everyone, certainly. But when I thought, “Choose the bigger life,” I realized that the bigger life for my family was to get a dog. The pros and cons list felt equally balanced. My daughters desperately wanted a dog, but I kept thinking about the commitment, inconvenience, errands, and all the downsides. When I’m trying to make a tough choice, I say to myself, “ Choose the bigger life.” In a particular situation, people would make different decisions about what the “bigger life” would be, but when I ask myself that question, it always helps me see the right answer, for myself.įor instance, as a family, we were trying to decide whether to get a dog. I can’t give advice to a particular person, but here are some mantras and questions I use when I’m facing a difficult decision in my own life. People often write me emails to explain their situations and ask for my thoughts.
To decide between apples and oranges, to weigh pros and cons, to think about what we will need and want in the future, to understand our real values…it’s tough. One common happiness stumbling block is the need to make a tough decision.
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